Things to remember

2009 came and gone.

I think i am getting old. I kept trying to remember this and that... but sometimes things just slipped through my head... as if my brains have holes in them.

For sometime now, i wanted to write down some things i wish to remember about my experience of bringing up Avery... or even things i tell myself to remember that i must try to do with her. I will try to recall them now, before i forget, and hopefully start 2010 with a more organized brain.

1) I always try to have Avery's experiences end positively. I remember there are things that used to make her cry or fearful. Like water going down her head. Or that weird vibrating toy. Or new changes to her routines. Sometimes it is so tempting to just avoid those things that makes her upset but my view on this is, if i make it a habit to constantly remove things that upset her from her environment, i may end up setting up a pattern which will progressively narrow her experiences. And i dont think i want that. So i try to turn negative things into more positive ones.

Most time, when she cry, i would try to calm her down first or distract her. I remember she started to resist bathing because of water on her head all of a sudden (she was quite okie before). This time round, she was crying so badly and just absolutely refused to sit in the tub. I had to hug her (even though i was getting wet myself) for a while before she stop crying and before i could distract her with something handy. Eventually, it took bubbles to get her calm and seated. And then bubbles get replaced by splashes and a longer waiting period between water on her head. Then after the bath is done, i makes sure she does something which i know she will enjoy... like watching pouring water or splashing in the tub. I think when she associate more of the good things with a not-so-good experience, she will learn to cope with them better. Another thing i've learnt, is not letting the crying escalate. Manage it before it gets full-blown. Distraction works sometimes, other times, it may take a cuddle. I dont think i am worried about 'giving in'. I think it is pretty hard to 'reason' with someone when they are all distraught, it is easier when they are calmer so that is my first priority.

2) Sometimes Avery doesn't like certain things, like eating yoghurt, or using a new straw, i feel that it is important to just keep trying (from time to time). I've learnt that having a routine helps when introducing new things, esp edibles to her. Breakfast is the designated 'new things' time because she is often chirpier when she wakes up (as oppose to times before her naps/sleep) and i dont have to worry about her going hungry by rejecting the food since she has a morning milk feed. If i have to start with her just looking at the new object (could be a new cup, a new straw, a new drink - like milk in a cup), that's what she will do. Intermittenly i will give it to her. If she doesn't want it, i will just put it away. I dont want to create too much negative attention to them and have the experience being tagged as negative for her.

More often than not, after a few sessions of this 'gentle' introduction, she starts to give the stuff a try. Of course, a lot of praises and smiling goes along with each 'successful' attempt (dont have to achieve any sort of proficiency). So far this way has been working out well.. that's how i got her to learn how to use a straw by 8 months and drinking from a cup now. Sure, she makes a mess of it if there are too much liquid in the cup but at least she is willing to use the cup and actually showed interest in using them. Once she has the idea and inclination, it is only a matter for her motor skills to be further refined.

3) Sleeping is one of those things which I had struggled with for a while. Avery seemed to have taken a long time before she would sleep through the night. And finally she did so when she turned 1yr old. In this aspect, i gave up my original aversion to using a pacifier for her. When i established that her crying in the night is more for comfort than anything else (i.e. hunger), i decided that she should just have a tutu next to her as and when she needs in the night. After two days of helping her find a tutu when she started to whine, she started to sleep through on her own. Again, i learnt not to let the crying escalate. Some kids can do the CIO method, but Avery unfortunately has the ability to upchuck everything in her stomach the moment she goes full-swing with her crying. Interestingly, her need to suck on the tutu as reduced over the last 2-3 weeks. I think now that she feels secure that there is something which offers her comfort, she no longer needs it as much.

4) I wish for Avery to be fearless when it comes to handling animals/insects etc. I think for her to be so, i will have to set that example. I think she is sort of getting that idea when she sees me handling animals naturally and matter-of-factly. I think it is cool if she has a natural curiousity for the natural world, even if they are creepy-crawlies. One of the things i reminded myself is that once she starts to walk and get mobile, she can go to a farm, park etc and touch and interact with anything she wants. I hope she will get to ride a horse, pet a goat, milk a cow, catch a beetle and touch a snake without fear.

Of course i think it is important to learn about safety and caution but i believe that these lessons can be learn as the child start to develop reasoning skills. Natural delight and curiousity and fearlessness are not lessons that are easy to teach a rational mind. I dont want to kill that childlike wonder by being too overly cautious when she is actively experiencing the world for the first time. And as a first time parent, it is so natural to just want to 'protect'... i really hope that i will remember not to rush into the 'protective' mode and learn to guide Avery in the way i envisage.

5) Must remember to do art and crafts with her!!! Of course Dadi will be a better person to do so. And i would so love to see what sort of things she will come up with. Wilk seems to think she is interested in music. Even though i am not for buying a piano (digital one la) because i am not so sure it justify the expense (since i am not that great a piano player myself), i wonder if perhaps she might enjoy it. She certainly seems like she did (20mins just banging on my friend's piano). She also enjoys tinkering on her xylophone and seems to have a ear for music. But when i think about it rationally, none of these behaviour are 100% indicative that she has some especial interest in music. Could be just want of those 5min thing that all kids do.

I am not incline to feel that my kiddo is 'gifted' in the musical area because she could do the first 3 'la la la' sort of in tune (there's actually a 'tune' and not just monotonous la las), goes to the ABC arch whenever i sing ABC, actually hit each of the xylophone bars individually with the stick (as oppose to running it up and down haphazardly) and pick and chooses the songs she likes to listen to on the iphone (right now, she likes the potty song and everybody song). I think i will still expose her to different music and all... but will just hold on the piano for the time being. Or perhaps i should just start to practise myself. Hmmm...

6) I have been pretty lax in any sort of actual 'learning'. I mean the book/flashcard-based learning. The other day, wilk just mentioned that we should do more since we are at home. The unfortunate thing is... i am really not good in teaching those things because, i am not quite that sort of 'repetitive' teaching sort of person. I get bored easily. I half suspect that if i am more diligent with it, Avery would get them pretty fast. After all, she got the animals on her playmat pretty quickly (she surprised me with a few which i didnt even knew she knew). And those i'd taught her in passing for a laugh (i was doing animal sounds for her which makes her laugh... alot). Hmm perhaps i am short-changing her because she is not going to appear very smart alongside her peers if all she could do is mooo like a silly cow, like her Mami.

I think... if she likes something, she will learn them in time so i am quite okie to just let things be as they are. Yes, we will probably still joke that she has lost a few IQ points from her falls off the bed but i think she is okie. Probably not a genius (or in the SG context, 'gifted') and if she is, great, bonus for us. But frankly, if it's a choice, i would rather she be street-smart and happy. There are alot of things which i hope she'd learn which are not taught in books, such as courage, kindness, gentleness, being loving, friendship, curiousity, sense of adventure, independence, empathy, humility... the list goes on. If she has all that... and end up with less 'formal' knowledge, i think i am okie with it. I will be heartbroken if she has learnt nothing of what i've listed but does well in all her exams.

Well.. that's what i want to remind myself so far.

We are only at year 1... 2010 will be our year 2 with Avery. I hope i remember some of these lessons i have learnt or aspired to do. Perhaps i will have more insights along the way and if so, let's hope i remember to write them down!